


there are many ways to say goodbye

by never_bloom_again



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Insecurity, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:02:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28428249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_bloom_again/pseuds/never_bloom_again
Summary: spencer wishes he could be like savannah. maybe derek thinks he kind of is.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Savannah Hayes/Derek Morgan
Kudos: 46





	there are many ways to say goodbye

She was beautiful, there was no arguing that. Savannah was everything that Spencer wished he could be - happy, wanted, friendly, beautiful, normal - but most importantly, loved by Derek Morgan. Seeing her with him for the first time made those hit home even more than they had in the past, when Savannah wasn’t standing right in front of him, unaware of what she was doing to Spencer, unaware of the metaphorical knife that had just stabbed into his heart.

It felt like a goodbye to his life as it had been for years, for the entirety of his and Derek’s friendship. For the first time, he couldn’t even hope that maybe, somewhere deep down, Derek felt the same as he did. 

Saying goodbye to a relationship that had never really existed was hard - he couldn’t even talk to his best friend about it, and as such, they slowly drifted. It was slowly killing Spencer to be around Derek knowing that he could never have him. He had lost to Savannah, but he couldn’t even hate her for it.

It wasn’t a permanent goodbye, to Spencer’s surprise, although he almost wished it was. That would have been better than suffering the humiliation of a drunken, teary confession. Better than breaking up his best friend’s happy relationship.

Following Derek finding out exactly why Spencer had been drinking alone, following the conversation that they had about why Spencer hadn’t talked to Derek in weeks, unless it was required at work, they kissed.

Derek kissed him.

Derek Morgan, who Spencer would always swear was the love of his life, had kissed his eccentric genius best friend, Spencer Reid, despite having a loving girlfriend who was far better than the doctor could ever hope to be.

Despite the guilt and humiliation clawing at him, Spencer couldn’t help but enjoy the moment. It was something he had been imagining for over a decade, what a kiss from Derek would be like (and it was better than Spencer had ever imagined).

He had broken up with Savannah for him. Spencer couldn’t believe that Derek saw him as worthy of that sacrifice, even though his boyfriend swore that he was everything Savannah was and more. It felt like a fantasy, but it was far better than any of the dreams Spencer had in the past of being exactly where he was now.

He had no plans to let go, or say goodbye.


End file.
